by Christopher Mudiappahpillai

I made dinner at my house last night. And it turned out quite well, if I should say so myself. And I do.

Mind you, it wasn’t anything fancy – just some rice, chicken, and mixed vegetables. But even my dad approved, saying it was “better than curry.”

Originally, my plan was to make Dill-Lemon Rice, Sesame Chicken, and mixed vegetables. It was only after I began to gather the ingredients that I realised we didn’t have sesame oil or dill seeds. That’s how it became just ‘rice’ and ‘chicken’. We did have mixed vegetables, though, so that stayed the same.

I have to confess that my cooking is actually part of a more elaborate scheme: it’s my insurance policy. If you’re not sure what I mean by that, imagine the following, a few years from now…

Host: Hullo, Hullo! Welcome to today’s episode of Bachelorette Surprise! I’m you’re host, Don Schmalon. And here’s today’s contestant, a recently graduated architect from Toronto, Christopher Mudia… Muda… Wow, I’m sorry Chris, I don’t know how to pronounce you’re last name.

Chris: No worries, Don. I’m used to it.

Host: Ha, ha. I see.

Chris: … .. .

Host: Right, well, let’s get started then. You know how this works. Talk to our three bachelorettes, ask them questions, and then pick the one you like. And then you’ll live happily ever after. If you’re lucky, you might even fall in love!

Chris: Um… Okay.

Chris: Bachelorette Number One, hi.

B#1: Hello!

Chris: Please tell me a bit about yourself.

B#1: Where, do I begin? Hmm… Well, I was born in Canada. But my parents are from the South Asian Subcontinent. I am an engineer. Oh, and a Christian, also. I even play the piano in my church!

Chris: I see. That’s really… nice. Hmm… Do you have any hobbies?

B#1: Oh yes. Let me see… I like to read. And of course, play the piano.

Chris: Right, right… Just out of curiosity… Can you cook?

B#1: No, not really.

Chris: I see… Well, it was nice talking to you. I’m just going to talk to the others for a bit now.

Chris: Bachelorette Number Two, hi.

B#2: Hi! How’re you?

Chris: I’m good, thanks. Yourself?

B#2: Oh, just peachy. No, more like wonderful, really.

Chris: I’m glad to hear that. If you don’t mind my asking, how do you keep yourself busy?

B#2: Well, I’m in the medical profession. So that takes up a lot of my time. Terrible hours, you know.

Chris: I can imagine.

B#2: Yeah, so that doesn’t really give me time for much else. I guess I’m just a career-oriented woman.

Chris: I take it that you spend a lot of time at the hospital?

B#2: Oh yes. I usually get there around eight in the morning and don’t leave till eight or nine at night. If I’m lucky. Ha. Sometimes, I don’t even have time to go out to buy my lunch.

Chris: “Buy your lunch”? I guess that means you can’t or don’t cook?

B#2: I can’t. I’ve never had the time to even consider it.

Chris: I see.

Chris: Bachelorette Number Three, how’re you?

B#3: Good, thanks.

Chris: Let me just ask you one question: can you cook?

B#3: No. Sorry. But I’m…

Host: Chris? Wait, where are you going? Um… I’m sorry ladies, but our contestant has just walked off the stage… Let’s go to commercial.

I rest my case.

Now, before all of women that read this start blacklisting me, let me say in my defence that I am not at all interested in marrying a housewife. In fact, at the moment, I’m not even interested in getting married.

That being said, it would be kind of nice if whomever I end up with can cook a bit. But if she can’t, it wouldn’t be too bad.

Because I started learning now.



  1. Anonymous #
    September 1, 2006

    It seems that good culinary skills are no longer regarded as an asset by women in today’s society. Rather, the emphasis seems to be on bankability (ie. how much cash can the lady bring in). Now of course, earning potential is important (how else can we get the Lexus?) but as any working woman will know, you need to have more then one skill on your resume. Learning how to cook a nice home cooked meal is a fine place to start. Other equally valuable (but rare) skills/traits include a quiet and submissive disposition, the willingness to clean/do the laundry, and the ability to give a good shoulder massage upon request. The latter trait, while not essential, can contribute to a long, happy, and healthy marriage.

    You may have to go to India or Sri Lanka to find such a wife.


    About your description of Bachelorette Number 1 and 2, are you trying to send out a message to a potential “candidate”?

  2. Anonymous #
    September 3, 2006

    _I’m_ Bachelorette #1 ?!?1?


  3. September 4, 2006

    Yep, that’s it – if you were a girl, you’d be exactly the kind of person I wouldn’t want to marry.

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