Better Spam

In which a shady lawyer seeks my honest co-operation:

Dear Christopher Mudiappahpillai,

This might not be the appropriate channel to contact you but situation necessitated this medium. However, I am sincerely sorry for any inconveniency this may cost you. I am Barrister Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, personal attorney to  late (Mr. Ephraim Mudiappahpillai) a foreign client of mine, who died as a result of heart-related condition on the 10th June, 2003. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the  Air Flight Crash in Iran while flying from Tehran to Khorramabad  Aired Tuesday, 12 February, 2002, 16:21 GMT  as reported on

I have contacted you to assist in distributing the funds left behind by my client before it is confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this deposit valued at 16.2million United States Dollars is lodged. The bank has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin, or the account will be confiscated.

My proposition to you is to seek your consent to present you as the next-of-kin and beneficiary of my named client, since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed-upon percentage. All legal documents to back up your claim as my client’s next-of-kin will be provided. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.

This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. I must use this opportunity to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this matter extraordinary confidential, whatever your decision, while I await your prompt response.  I will like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible to indicate your interest.

Best Regards,
Malik Imtiaz Sarwar

I really like the use of the BBC article, but the parentheses around my faux-kin’s name smacks of mail-merge.  Also, the dates (or, at least, the slow acting heart condition) don’t really jive.  And the period at the end of ‘Attorney’ bothers me.

All-in-all, not too shabby.  B-.